Utterly Nothing
by mimi-force
Summary: She thought of words, she put them in order then spoke "I kissed someone, it was truly a life changing experience. That one kiss, changed me."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything. Not even Chuck Bass or Humphrey.. or Blair.

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**Part I**

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Serena rolled out of her bed to the sound of water running down the sink; she quickly glanced at her phone to check what time was it: it was even barely seven. Why would Blair even be up this early? She rubbed her eyes and walked to the bathroom knocking lightly on the door. However when she got no response, she pushed the door and peeked inside. There the brunette was standing in front of the sink furiously washing her mouth and running large amounts of water down her throat. She was wrapped up in a pink towel and her skin glowed from the heat of the shower she just walked out of.

"B, What the hell are you doing?" Serena asked sleepily.

"Serena!" her reflex was immediate, she rinsed her mouth before speaking again. "I am just-" she felt a sudden pang of guilt when she saw her best friend looking so tired, clearly. "Everything's fine?"

Serena walked over to Blair, so they both were looking into the mirror, she grabbed the toothpaste tube then looked at Blair exaggeratedly "B! You finished the whole tube!" Blair quickly snatched it back and slammed against the sink. "Seriously Blair, what are you up to?"

"Nothing! Utterly nothing!" she cleared her throat and checked herself in the mirror as in to tone down her anger. "Why were you late last night? Did you and Be-"

"No," Serena quickly said "Ben and I broke up."

"Oh my God," Blair now completely turned to look at her best friend "Are you okay?"

"I don't know, I will be." The blonde said not hiding the pain in her voice. Blair pulled her into a comforting hug. "Chuck was looking for you all night," Serena said after she pulled back and looked into Blair's eyes. "he shut the whole party down and he was defiantly not okay, I tried to make him talk to me but he wouldn't. He wanted to talk to you only."

Blair's eyes swam but she held it back and waited for Serena to continue talking. "He was very wasted though, I wasn't sure if you would be able to talk to him. You've been doing really great this week, you looked happy. I couldn't- So I took him to the palace. He passed out on the Eric's bed after repeating your name." Serena's voice carried dread, sadness and bewilderment. "When I got here, I thought you would be up so we could talk, but you were asleep then, so I just ended up tossing and turning on my bed all night." Serena finished wretchedly.

"Serena, I am so sorry-"

"Don't be. I am actually kind of glad you weren't involved in any of last night's events, you seemed really happy, B." The blonde then pulled the brunette into a tight hug. "It's just that I am going to miss Ben so much-" she hiccupped.

"Shhh, it's alright.." Blair who felt guilt sulk her down, was at a loss of words. She hated no one as much as she hated Dan Humphrey at the moment. She wasn't sure she could look into Serena's eyes after what she had done. The kiss hasn't transpired to anything more, that's true but it wasn't an innocent kiss either, it might have lasted longer than she thought. The point is! It did not mean anything to her! –or so-she-says to convince herself. She had practically kicked Dan out immediately after that one kiss it's true but it didn't stop her from thinking about it; leaving her sleepless and baffled all night. And while Chuck (clearly from what Serena had said) was in a terrible state the previous night and needed her the most her mind was elsewhere, far away than ever. Crossed over the bridge all the way to Brooklyn- who would ever thought?

"B.."

"I am alright." Blair reassured pushing back a tear as she looked in the mirror disgusted with herself. "Have I told you I hate Dan Humphrey?" she gritted her teeth and squeezed the toothpaste tube on her tooth brush once more as she started to furiously clean her mouth.

"Seriously, what the hell are you doing?" Serena asked suspiciously. Blair who chose not to reply proceeded cleaning her mouth like her life depended on it.

"I am stopping by to see Chuck before I got to college. See you there?" Blair inquired peeking into Serena's room.

"I am not sure if I am going to college today, but yeah good luck." Serena smiled back at her roommate as she looked up from a book she was reading.

Blair didn't feel right about going to see Chuck, it wasn't because her mind was off thinking about Humphrey, it certainly wasn't, It can't be! It was just how guilty she had felt about it all. She cannot face Chuck now. It would be not fair to Chuck or ( who she stupidly admitted wasn't fair to) Humphrey. The cab driver now asked her for the third time for the place she wanted to go to.

She sighed irritatingly and asked him to stop a few blocks from where she was, where her favorite coffee house was located. Her phone rang as soon as she got off the cab. To her annoyance it was Humphrey. She angrily ignored the call and walked to get her coffee.

As soon she walked in the coffee house, she was greeted by the sight of Humphrey sitting there a coffee in his hand. What was he doing here? She might as well have consumed that he was stalking her. She barged in and rested her elbow on his table to nudge him of her presence. He looked up from his phone surprised. "Excuse me, what are you doing here?" She screeched. "No one can see me here!" she said loudly to herself as she was about to leave. Dan caught her arm.

"Blair, wait! Don't you think that we need to talk?"

"Let go of my arm, Humphrey!" she shook his hand off "There's nothing to talk to you about! I am leaving."

"Is that toothpaste on your face?" he mused as Blair frantically rubbed her chin off. There was hint of a smirk on the dark-haired boy's face. "There." He reached over to wipe the diminutive smear off her chin.

Blair's abrupt response however was slapping his hand away. "Humphrey! You cannot pull off anything like this! Especially not where anyone could see me!" She looked around anxiously, carefully using her words, she didn't want to slip and say a word that would get the boy hung up on her. As much as she wanted to stop being uptight about everything , as much as she wanted everything between her and Dan to go back to where it was before they kissed, when she could speak to him as a friend to let out all her emotions out. She couldn't. She has been pushing him away, and she will probably keep up doing that. She was far too scared of the idea of her and Humphrey developing any kind of relationship more than friends. She was even more scared to even talk about what happened last night, to anyone but especially to him. At one glance, she looked into his eyes and she saw something that might have pulled her in, like the first time she poured out her heart to him and he listened to her without disruption. But instead she broke the contact, and turned around to leave.

Once again, Dan stood in the way. "Blair! Don't think we're done here!"

"Oh yes, we are." She said after snatching the coffee in his hand and storming out.


	2. Chapter 2

After reading your reviews and burning 17 calories(whoa!), I came up with Part II.

**Part II**

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"B, where have you been?"

"Oh, I had an extra class today." Blair explained as she walked out of the elevator carrying enormous file folders. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sighed distinctly "I have _so _much work to do! I am going to stay in my room and finish up an essay due tomorrow." She said then trotted upstairs to her room after placing the folders on a table; she made a mental note to tell Dorota to bring them up to her room later on.

Serena followed behind her best friend a worried smile on her face. If anything, Serena knew Blair too well, and when Blair drowned herself in work that meant something was wrong.

"Did you speak to Chuck yet?" Serena asked as she sat on Blair's bed pulling a magazine on her lap and flipping through the pages absentminded.

"No." Blair admitted. "I couldn't." She looked back at Serena who nodded at her understandingly. "How about you? How are you holding up so far?"

"Okay." Said Serena honestly. "I am going to The Palace later to see Eric.. are you going to be fine a lone, B?"

"Of course!" Blair exclaimed. "Seriously S, you shouldn't be worrying about me." She says as she walks gracefully towards Serena and holds her hand; they both smile at each other knowingly. "Well! I better change into something more comfortable and start on the essay!" Blair says after a while as she whirled around towards her closet. Serena who suddenly found something that interested her in one of the pages, laid on her tummy and read charily.

After a while, when Blair arranged the things she needed on her desk and was ready to start immersing herself in work; Serena found no interest in the magazine she held anymore and got up off bed announcing that she will go to The Palace.

Blair stares emptily at the paper she had to write, slowly she starts to worry and have 'one all consuming paralyzing thought' as Dan had put it. What if he ends up coming to see her and she doesn't have anywhere to run to, no exit strategy then. Even worse, what if Chuck ends up coming here when she's all alone. How will she even deal with a situation like that? She practically hopped off the chair and ran as fast as her feet would let her to catch Serena before she leaves.

"Serena!" she calls from above the stairs. Luckily, Serena hadn't left yet.

"Hmm?" the blonde more confused than ever.

"Hold on! I am coming with you! Just let me grab my purse okay?" before waiting for Serena's response she scuttles back to her room, pull a pair of matching shoes and carry her purse.

"I thought you said you had so much work to do?"

"Well that can wait, can't it? I haven't seen Eric in like forever!" she laughs fretfully yet it sounds endearing. Serena looks warily at Blair for a second, then hug her best friend proudly.

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On their way to The Palace she and Serena would talk about different kind of things; it had helped Blair get her mind off of things for a while. As they entered through the elevator laughing at a memory they once shared in the very same elevator; Blair's smile flattened when she saw none other than Dan Humphrey sitting across the room with Eric.

"Dan!" Serena was obviously happy to see him, obviously! Dan's eyes looked up to observe Blair; he saw how her nostrils flared when she saw him before she coolly slipped out her phone to look at a faked text.

"Ohhh" _Blair scene I._ Dan thought. "I am sorry Serena! I have to go back." She motioned with her phone when Serena looked at her questioningly. "This thing for class.." she swiveled around to the door ready to make an exit. _Blair scene II. _"Oh, and it's nice to see you Eric!" she smiled a dimpled one before the elevator door had closed behind her.

Serena furrowed her eyebrows still smiling. She sat down next to Eric and looked over at Dan. "What is up with you too?"

"Why? Did Blair tell you anything?" almost instantly he replied.

"No, but she seems to hate you. A lot more than she normally hates you."

"We don't even see each other anywhere, what could have I done to her?" Dan reasoned, he pulled out his phone mimicking Blair's exit strategy. "Look, I have to go now, I got this essay to write. See you later." And Dan's scene unfolded. Serena had the same expression to when Blair left. She looked at Eric who's smile was devious and daring.

"What are you not telling me?" she demanded.

Eric shook his head as his smile widened. He obviously noticed what was going on between Dan and Blair.

As Dan stepped outside the building his pretty brunette friend was still trying to get herself a cab driver. He found himself smile and emerged behind her, also making a gesture with his hand to pull a cab. She jumped in her place. "Humphrey! Why aren't you with Serena?" she said bitterly but hadn't noticed that herself. "and what, the, hell do you think you're doing?"

"Getting a cab." He said bemused.

Blair sighed irritated. "Look Humphrey, is there anyway you ever going to leave me alone?" she asked her eyes still scanning the street.

"Until we talk ab-" she looks at him fiercely.

"There's nothing! Nothing to talk about-"

"Blair! You cannot keep doing this. I know you, you're Blair Waldorf you're going to stick to denial for the rest of your life. But you know what? It had meant something to me and I am sure deep inside, you know that it meant something too but you're scared to admit it." Never in her life had Blair felt so exposed.

"You just crossed the line." She retorted, unsure of what that even meant. Dan smirked and the cab stopped she took it and just before she closed the door behind her. "Oh and trust me, I did not feel anything, Brooklyn." It was her turn to smirk. Dan left there not knowing what to believe; himself or Blair.

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Blair was irritated to say the least, when she went back home early Dorota had suspected something was up with Daniel Humphrey.

"Lonely Boy and I have nothing!" she kept repeating to herself and Dorota. She was getting hungry eventually and asked Dorota to put something for her to eat while she at least get something done for her essay.

As she collected the books together and was about to sit and start for real this time, the elevator door's bell went on. Blair swore she could feel her knees weak and unable to carry her. She leaned on the table as she waited for the person to come in view.

Chuck Bass.

"Chuck? What are you doing here." It wasn't even a question, she didn't want to know anyways.

"I need you." He said searching into her eyes for something to hold on. "Blair, I just need you-"

"Oh, I am surprised you didn't turn to Raina this time. After all she is _sacred_ to you." Blair hissed. She could feel her confidence build up again. This was who she was supposed to be. An independent woman who took no shit from others. She is Blair Waldorf! Chuck looked at her about to say something back but she spoke first. "While you were thinking about another woman Chuck, all I thought about was you! I know we didn't say anything about waiting, but I genuinely thought you will wait." A tear escaped her eye. "Do you know how much it hurts? How much it hurts to be with Chuck Bass?"

"Blair.."

"I am sorry Chuck, I really need a break from this, from you." She said harshly. The look on Chuck's face reminded her of how she was in high school, stronger at facing Chuck. It wasn't the easiest decision Blair made. She thought of something quick, something that would make Chuck angry, make him want to leave, to push his buttons. She thought of words, put them in order then she spoke. "I kissed someone, it was truly a life changing experience. That one kiss, changed me." She spoke confidently but felt a little weary inside. Did she really mean it?

Chuck looked at her through eyes that held a mess of emotions. "Now if you'll excuse me. I have work to do." She said. "The door is that way." She waved a one-way before completely turning away from him.

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**A/N:** Gosh! It's 6:25AM! I have school in thirty minutes! I am very grateful to your reviews, for without it, I couldn't have gotten this done. I had fun writing this and I am happy I completed part II on my birthday, I am finally 16! Wish me luck in today's exam!


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